2004-08-12 - 4:44 p.m.
I've been trying not to get myself in a mode of preparation for the worst. Seems as though the Tour is NOT going to happen now. The recording is happening, but we are going to see if I can get a steady paycheck and work playing music on weekends. Either way, I will be out of debt someday, I will get a good car, I will graduate from school, and I will move on. How big of a move? I really don't know.
It's been alarming over the last couple days, watching myself not really trying at anything. There is one thing I've tried at, but there is no gauge for success on that one. It is very easy to grow weary of investing your heart and not knowing what will come of it. You just have to believe that the investment isn't really an investment at all, its a gift because you want the receiver to have it. Cryptic... atleast one person on Earth knows what I'm talking about.
I'm going to mow the lawn tonight and pray the flowers got to her on time, and the letter got there too. I continue to pray and whisper, I continue to work at a nursing home, and I wait for God to speak to places in my heart that are broken.
Something broke the levee...
