2004-08-14 - 2:10 p.m.
A hole as big as Montana fills my heart. Sometimes I think a girl from Florida and Kansas could fill it, but those two states combined are not as large as it is. From the depth of shallow plains that slowly ascend to mountains to the crashing of Ocean waves and little islands full of wandering souls; the void was created by a want to fish on the banks of river's edge, touching God...knowing Dad.
My heart strives for those waters and plains that become mountains, but I can never replace my need to be chilled by cold spring waters. "could dad be God...?" My emotions are so engaged in a moment that pleads to be let go of. My tears have run their course and I'm left in need of a sojourn.
Where rivers carve and fish migrate to mate. A place where creation finds its zenith apart from shops and people gathering memories with cash and eachother. A place where I can be lost and the voice pleading to go west is answered. Some call it the howling, others pilgrimage...I need no holiday, just a place to mourn, rejoice, and find strength. The skies know that I'm supposed to see something new today, that cool breeze explodes across my chest like a Kansas hearth that leave me sure there is more to some than ever met my eye. I'm in love, but I'm in sorrow, clothed in scorn.
Somehow though, despite everything, I saw what true love was from an unexpected place. I can only change as fast as I can, I can only walk so far, but I'm going west and learning how to rest.
God, give me a mountain in Montana
