2004-08-21 - 2:30 p.m.
I've felt discouraged today, just waiting for tomorrow and for church. I want to be faithful to the Lord, I haven't been the last few days like I wanted to. In the end, I have done the right thing and I hope for the strength to keep pressing forward, or perhaps just waiting. I want patience, I want to keep the love I have in my heart, and I will.
Lately the enemy has been pressing and testing my new revalation that I will not fail with some hard stuff. It's been difficult, but the Spirit within me testifies that I am not going to fail this time. My work schedual is changning a bit, but it is going to free me up a little more than I anticipated. I'm working as much as I always have, but the pay will be better and I will have more time to focus on school and even some friends.
Pancake day is comming soon and I have a feeling that things are going to be changing around that time. Something in me tells me that those last days in September are going to be full of the Lord's blessing. I really cannot wait to go and be with the people I love the most. Every time I think I should give up, every time someone pleads with me to just give up on them and forget them, I get more and more encouraged to press on. It's not about loving someone out of principal, it's a desire. A real, pure, honest desire to really love someone is being kept within me. A hope and passion to lead and help restore those things that were lost. Surely I get cynical sometimes, I get lonely and pressed to give in to some selfish pursuit, but blessed am I for being ready to wait and take back from the enemy (in God's time) that which was taken. I am silly, foolish, sad, and covered in a scorn greater than any before, but I will not be shaken from what I have set in my heart to do:
She shall be loved!
