2004-08-26 - 6:51 p.m.
Dave and I had some lunch today, it was really good relish. I had a good time in class; I regret having to work on a day I've felt so much like a student, I felt like 'me' today. I'm tired, but there are 'promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep'. I got rid of a letter with no real hope or thought behind it, just wanting someone to have it...a reminder.
While we spoke I remembered having to cut wood every weekend while I was young. I remembered Nino from Zepche, I realized that I had many thanks to give many people. Tomorrow I don't have class or work, I just mow the lawn and clean my room. Grandpa is coming to town, when he asks about the girl I've been dating, I'll tell things are working themselves out...God's hands are big enough.
I prayed last night for patience. I haven't really prayed for that very much because I didn't figure I needed it in some areas. It's hard to find a balance between patience/trust, and acting out on what you feel like you have been promised from God. Could it be that I'll end up thirty years old and without a companion? (Albeit, to some that sounds good). I don't know, I really don't.
I'm really trying to find the good balance that I'm supposed to have. I don't know what it looks like, I don't understand where my heart fits in; was any man ever meant to love and not be loved back? Was anyone ever supposed to hold on without assurance? There's some cloaked figure whispering that it isn't without assurance. Love is not void in my universe; there is a heart greater than the one you love. He is blessed at your choice, she is the least of these. Just like me, just like her and everyone else...the least of these loved to the point of cosmic pressure, implosion; the fuselage of eternity resounds the frequency of that love...love beyond reason, love for the sake of love, because the universe will not be empty. I yearn and scream a requiem for love lost, but death always follows a resurrection.
Three days must have felt like the longest time.
