2004-09-16 - 1:51 a.m.
Every time I get discouraged, this little hope pops up; I pray God's discernment and not for falsehood. This is God's country, you see it in the trees and the way the winds just seem to blow every time we pray. Around this place in America, God is doing something very large and very surprising.
We are all getting more implanted to this place. There is a church with our names written on it. There is a future being built in God's name; we don't know what things are in store for us. All of us, though we were so eager to leave, to go to Texas, to go to Bosnia, to go to Asia, we've been held back by the hand of destiny. I would have been close to saving up for a ring if it had not been for God's intervention, I would have been planning things that I wasn't ready for. I wasn't a leader, I wasn't a warrior, but look, I am becomming a man of war.
We are all becomming something to be reckoned with in God's army. Strong, faithful, gracious, patient, and prevented from the good in our minds that we weren't ready for yet. God wasn't finished and He held us back for greater glory, His glory. Relationships are let go of, and other are more firmly entrenched in love. Even the ones that were broken apart are more full of selfless love than ever before. This is something to praise God for.
There came a point in my life that Pornography hadn't left my habits, but it soon did when I realized how unsatisfying it was. I realized how much is was tearing everything in me apart from what I really wanted. I had to learn that about many things while I lived here in Bolivar. Somehow, quite suddenly, new hope, new life and passion crept in and caused me to succumb to the one thing that really lasts; the presense of the Lord. He's been among us while we've parted ways and while we've renewed old friendships that were stricken with envy and pride.
I know that some things are over, but I don't know what it really means in the end. I just know that blessing has been given and obedience has taken the place of insecurity and certainty. It's odd how much insecurity does come from a quest for certainty, but walking in the dark with Jesus... It's been gray, red, brown, and white this whole time. The flags are raised and I speak as a soldier; God's name will be honored! I am confident. Many of us are confident these days.
Ashton was small like this little town.
