2004-09-20 - 11:40 p.m.
I told a friend tonight about my thoughts on love; we spoke about doubts they were having.
At some point a man and woman chose to love eachother and God says, 'It is good...' He blesses the choice and helps them to move on through what they know. We are called to wait and act in accordace with our understanding and our faith, not the understanding and faith that we should have. It's a damn scary thing because sometimes old lovers don't agree in understanding and faith. I believe however, that if both act in accordance to what they understand and in agreement with the faith they do have, then God blesses the both as much as He would if they agreed. In the end, someone is going to hurt because the choices are different, but that is in God's hands; God teaches those who loose as well as those who gain.
I've been recently realizing such loss, and I admit, it's tough because we didn't agree. All I hope for anymore is for it to end better than it has ended. The outcome may be the same, but I just don't like the way things have been tense and difficult. There should be agreement, forgiveness, no more bitterness, no more regret, just a friendly goodbye if that is what has to happen. My conscience is severed because every night I go to sleep with regret. I don't regret the outcome very much anymore, I just regret the falling out. But I promised God a certain amount of time and I'm not going to break it. This is all too familiar and it hurts more than it hurt the last time because I understand the power words have more than I did before.
'if you're listening to me now, I wouldn't blame you anyhow for wanting me out of town.'
