2005-02-19 - 2:36 a.m.
Tonight was a night. I'm put out with myself because I have plenty to protest I'm sure; doesn't change the fact that I don't listen like I should. I know how bothersome it is when people give me advice without asking for it; why don't I treat other people with the same respect? I had to call to say I was sorry (though I am certain calls to say I'm sorry have gotten too old), and I had to pray for God to mold me better. Ofcourse, that all happened today, not tonight. Either way, I'm sorry I don't listen like I should. I shouldn't walk away like that either...
The day wasn't without joy; John and I played basketball against one another, even played horse with a little guy named Denver (his mom was swimming). Came home, ate breakfast for dinner and talked about Alliance. I gave him the church owner's manual to take home and read. Had a nice time with Aaron too at the Grind; God is very interested in him.
The way home was strange. I kept feeling urges to turn left, walk instead of ride, go right, go back, etc... All this lead me to a place I felt God leading me to before. Part of me doesn't want to jinx it, but I felt led to a car lot. I prayed that a certain car would be mine tomorrow. It's white, just like the Nova. Redemption?
Still leaves me sad about my words and actions earlier today. I'm not as good a friend as I used to think I was. Sometimes there are people that you just seem to tangle with more than others. You don't hate them, really, you love them so much; you just never learned their language because you were too well versed in your own. That's selfish. I always walk away thinking I have ruined all hope of peace, but something always ends up happening like EVERYTHING today...tells you to ease off a little, be wiser, listen more, and learn to love like you used to boast about. Cause if there was ever a time to really be kind, to show real love from Christ... the times that seem the most difficult aren't that difficult at all. You just learn you talk too much and listen far too little. I say I want to be an encourager, but I'll forever be a hypocrite if I can never learn to speak love to you in a Christlike way. I don't know what it looks like, but I don't want to speak lies anymore...I just want you to know I really do care; and your words have changed me far more than I've ever admitted.
I promise, that's a compliment.
