2005-04-12 - 3:00 a.m.
Ever doubt before? A friend of mine is fearful that they've been cheated on... So you ask, why God? Why now, don't you understand that this will only tear them even more; don't you seen they will loose you forever? Faith? Lord, it's all I've got. There will be other times to discuss my doubts and anger towards myself, for now, I'm burdened.
I learned how I tend to take burdens upon myself. Learned so much from Thom it hurts; sooner than later I'm going to be a better man for this.
I told her that you were good with children, and the specific words I used to describe you were sent from God; even if you don't take the job, you need to know that even I understand how gifted you are with those little hearts; how much more then, can everyone else can see it too!
I am going to pray my mother and father into my church. I'm going to pray for my brother to become a man of God. My niece is just like me when I was a baby; mom sees it better than anyone else. Kelsey is going to need prayer; I love that little girl so much. She is the apple of my eye and I love to hold her and whisper secrets in her little ears. She talking more and more; always asking questions, just like I did. Watch out World...
Bigger paycheck than expected; God provides.
Peace guys, really finding peace in submition to God. Means letting go of my ambitions and letting God pierce my ear. I have no clue what my life will look like in a year, I don't care. God has been speaking to me of my future. Don't judge progress by the outside. My heart is getting healed of things now that will keep me for the rest of my life. In retrospect, I wouldn't have planned my life this way; Thom and Dean are teaching me that I've not been running away by staying here. In truth, I'm confronting the things that may seem foolish to the World by 'lagging' in some ways, but I'm dealing with the things that really matter.
Wanna know what the funny thing is? I always wanted to be different, but I always sought the World's praise for being different. --but the desire of my heart is being filled up. To be different for Christ for the sake of being a disciple. Because of that, too many will not understand. While that matters in the 'now' of time, the peace and assurance given is solace enough. So this is the last time I'll justify my supposed failure in writing, it's time to grow up beyond this.
I love you all. Very few read this. I love you all. --and I'm glad that you cannot leave comments either; I don't need them. Tell you what though, the five or six of you that DO read this; pray for my friend and for me. Pray over me the fruits of the spirit...I'll take those any day.
...and pray that I stop butchering my hands at work too, that would help.
