2005-05-12 - 2:53 p.m.
Dave had words that were very true; we need to be disciplined with our funds. I've realized how much I need to be more careful with my time, and I've realized how important this time in my life really is. I don't know what things are going to look like in December, but I know I've got a lot of work to do.
I know there are people watching, waiting to see what happens to me. I know I'm anticipating a great deal also. I have goals that seem far fetched at times, but this is a simple time in my life that can start the motion to make things happen. I get frustrated at the shape my life has taken and how long I've been waiting for certain things to end or change, but I wonder that despite my own foolishness; I might be starting to learn something.
I am going to work soon and I don't even know what that is going to look like. I just want to finish a couple papers, pay this month's bills, and say good-bye (for now atleast) to a few friends as the summer draws closer. Who will I be at the end of summer? Who will you be? Will we all still be curious? I don't know, I want to surrender all preconceptions and just go. I am very good at talking about the changes in my life and how I'm a different person than I used to be, but I find it ironic that the only way some people will see it will be for me to utterly fall from the radar and come back up unrecognizable, having surrendered almost everything but my eyes and the hair on my head; it's ironic because I think that is the only way I too could be truly convinced.
To everyone...
All true, but I'm thankful for you. I don't know what we are going to look like, think, or even feel about anything, but I'm glad I've been able to be myself when you were around. It's a big World with countless choices and possibilities, but I'm going to die and come back up alive...you will know what to do with that man when you see him.
So, what is it going to be God? Don't give up on me, I haven't even begun to surrender.
