2005-07-05 - 2:00 a.m.
Edit:
My thoughts changed about my church. I was worried, wondering if there was something missing that could not be found. Yesterday, while embracing Amy and feeling the lack of anything solid in God's Apostle, I knew there was a battle worth fighting.
Something has to give. More than anything else, I...we need to hear the Lord speak. I want that embrace Thom spoke about; a cross of fire burning away sin. I am a double minded fool that can only cling to the hope that God might speak to him. Say anything Lord, just say something. My sins only accomplish one thing, and it makes me long so much more to see Jesus and be changed. I don't have to be unkind, unreasonable, demanding, far-sighted...me. I want the change.
...if You who live in eternity Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time. We can't see what's ahead, and we can not get free of what we've left behind. I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears all the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret.
I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here, where I'm lost enough to let myself be led...
