2005-07-09 - 1:12 p.m.
I laugh at myself more than anyone realizes. I laugh at being misunderstood, I laugh at my lack of understanding. Today, I'm laughing at myself because I have to. I'm doing what I always do, something I am greatful for. Seems like every new understanding the Lord gives is certain to become another passionate speech that my friends will have to endure for the next twenty years.
But what of it? But tell me, have you ever felt that way before? Have you ever been confident that your newly aquired gift is something you'll keep to the grave. Or, are you greedy with your discoveries? Doubtless, it would be arrogant to think I've arrived to have learned this new lesson in terms of application. I just laugh at myself, because the last month taught me something that is not likely to leave my thinking for a very long time.
But before I start sounding too good about everything. Nothing is easy. I've been heart-sick now for a while and I even knew it would be like this. I've experienced a loss of hope. Any request feels like a toss in the wishing well; and only little kids believe their wishes will come true. That, and I'm out of change anyway. metaphor...
Blah blah blah, I am excited by the new lesson and torn to pieces by it. Damnit, guh, sigh... xanga is my forum to say things with confidence, and I am confident, but I'd never tell EVERYONE how much this sucks.
It's time to store treasures in Heaven; I just figured out what that meant.
